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Our friends for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been repeatedly blindsided in relationships. Her spouse walked away, and it was a massive blow. Many of her social circle disappeared at that point, as they were drawn to the spouse. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in more effort to be my friend, probably grasped better the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Over the years, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart and she isn't knowing the cause. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she was an excellent employee, her exit happened without knowing why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we have each left the workforce so we're spending time together, however, I feel my role in the relationship is as the audience. I introduce topics of conversation only for her to redirect the talk toward her own topics. In terms of politics, she holds unyielding views. My effort is to propose double-checking information or other angles.

She is planning a vacation to a country I know well on several occasions and resided in for a while. I attempted to provide personal experiences, yet it was met with resistance. She purely only wanted my agreement with her plans. I have returned from a month there she is eager to meet, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling in this role who abandons suddenly without explanation, but I don't think she can grasp the consequences of her behaviour on my confidence. Currently, I am in pulling back. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

One option is to walk away, but it is seldom a smooth outcome that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of a solution takes courage and openness for each of you.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing how things go during your discussions. This needs to be based on facts and basically an unbiased account. The second involves sharing her how it makes you feel. This allows for no disagreement on this point. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. The third step involves requesting ways you together going to change the dynamics between you."

Keep in mind your friend has her own side, so you need to remain ready to listen to her. An approach that works is telling her:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to not say anything for half an hour."

It's wildly successful to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

She might reject all you say, as some people have a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a version regarding their experiences they cannot abandon because their very survival relies on it and it's all familiar to them. It's tough when there seems no clear path in such cases, mere obstacles. But she may start out like this before reflecting your perspective. And even if you never reach a resolution, it will give you closure that you've been honest with her.